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Assalamu'alaykum warahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh.
Sisters rahimakunnallah, artikel DKA minggu ini dikutip dari PBS Parents
yang membahas masalah meminta maaf kepada anak2. Terkadang sulit sekali bagi
kita untuk meminta maaf dan mengakui kesalahan pada seseorang dan biasanya
akan lebih sulit lagi kalau kedua hal tersebut kita lakukan kepada anak2
kita. Artikel di bawah ini mungkin bisa membantu kita untuk kembali belajar
meminta maaf kepada anak2 dan yang tidak kalah pentingnya adalah
mengingatkan kembali betapa meminta maaf kepada anak2 bisa jadi merupakan
bagian penting dalam proses tumbuh-kembang mereka.
Artikel aslinya bisa diintip di sini:
http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/apologize.html
http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/negotiate.html
Selamat membaca, semoga bermanfaat.
wassalaam,
--
~Lintang~
Boise-Idaho
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I Can't Believe I Said That!
*"It is so important for an adult to apologize because it shows the child
it's OK to make mistakes and say you are sorry. When you say, 'I shouldn't
have done that,' your child will have a rock-solid sense that her feelings
matter to the people who are most important in her life."** (John Gottman,
Ph.D.* Author, *Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child)*
We've all had times when we couldn't believe the things we've said to our
kids. Most parents have blurted out something like, "You'll never learn!"
or, "Stop crying now, just stop it!" Then we wonder how these things we
swore we'd never say to our kids — that we hated our parents for saying to
us — come out of our mouths!
"A lot about being a parent is managing feelings of helplessness," says
Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "The tantrums of little children make parents feel
helpless. When older kids stand up to you and criticize your character, that
brings up a different kind of helplessness. And when our kids make us feel
helpless, our buttons get pushed, and we say things we wish we hadn't."
Often the best way to deal with it is to admit you're wrong and apologize.
"Kids often enjoy nothing better than for their parents to be wrong — and
feel validated when their parents apologize," adds Thompson.
So instead of beating yourself up when you hear your mother's voice come out
of your mouth, take a breath and apologize. The following strategies may
help you figure what you need to say when an apology is in order.
Strategies for Apologizing to Kids
*Apologize for your behavior, not for yourself.* You might tell your child,
"I've been thinking about what happened and I don't like what I said or
did."
*Give yourself a momentary time out.* You might say, "I'm sorry, I'm not
thinking clearly right now. Give me a moment and I'll get back to you."
*Ask your child, "What could I have done differently?"* Ask her for help in
figuring out what to do, and be open to her suggestions. You might say, "Did
I make a mess of this?" Kids love to hear parents admit they are wrong.
*You might also ask, "What could you have done differently?"* In a
non-accusatory way, review what occurred. Use this opportunity to discuss
what you and your child could do differently next time.
*Next time, try joking instead of over-reacting.* You might say with a
laugh, "Are you going to drive me totally crazy again?"
*Remember that no parent is perfect.* Think about what provoked your
response. Also think about all the good things you do as a parent. Talk to a
friend about what happened and find out how she might have handled it.
*Think specifically about how you might behave differently next time.* What
it is about your child's behavior that pushes your buttons? Is there
something you can do or say that would change the way you react? You might
try taking a deep breath before you speak, or walking out of the room until
you figure out how you want to react. Think about this when you're calm: the
heat of the moment may not be the time to fix this problem, particularly if
it's become a pattern.
*Learn from your mistakes - and move on!* |
